Winning vs Being Nice

Tit-for-tat is the real golden rule

A lot of religious teachings boil down to “Always be good, and do good to everyone.” You are also often told, “If someone strikes you on the cheek, turn your other cheek towards them.” And, of course, the golden rule, “Treat others the way you want to be treated.”

So I find it interesting that the Bhagavad Gita advises that we should always do the right thing, even if sometimes the right thing involves killing bad guys. If someone mistreats you, the Gita encourages retaliation. If you choose not to retaliate despite provocation, it mocks you by saying “this cowardice does not befit you.” (Chapter 2, shloka 3. The Gita also points out that your action shouldn’t be for the wrong reasons, you shouldn’t initiate the misbehavior, and you should be forgiving. )

What is most fascinating is that after decades of Game Theory analysis (last 50 years or so), researchers have reached pretty much the same conclusions about the winning strategy.

Before continuing, I would highly recommend going through this simulation called The Evolution of Trust. It helps you understand retaliation, co-operation, and trust via Game Theory. It takes about half an hour, but it is totally worth it. Although it is analyzing a simple game, the lessons apply to a surprising number of real-life situations, including relationships, and the principles will stay with you for life.¹

It comes as a surprise to many that the winning strategy in that game is for you to be a Copy Kitten. You start with co-operation and be forgiving of your opponent’s misbehavior initially, but if the misbehavior continues, then you must retaliate. Players who are always good lose the game quickly because they get exploited by the bad guys. Note the similarities with the teachings of the Gita.

The game in the simulation is a well-studied game from Game Theory, called the Iterated Prisoner's Dilemma (IPD) and a lot of situations in life are similar to IPD. Should you regularly help your coworker with their problems? Even if you know that helping them will improve their results, and give them the promotion that you could have gotten? What if they don’t help you back? A careful analysis will reveal that this is an IPD, and the correct strategy is Copy Kitten—start by being helpful, be forgiving of some lapses, but if it continues, stop being helpful. Should you trust your driver with cash for filling petrol? Should he take advantage or not? IPD. When two businesses compete in the same market many IPD situations arise—price war, advertising budgets, bad-mouthing the competition, etc.

I have noticed that even though our religions teach us to always be nice, a lot of people when faced with IPD like situations in real-life tend to default to the defect scenario—i.e., assume the worst of the other party, and take preemptive defensive actions. This leads to suboptimal results.

In contrast, in most cases, being a Copy Kitten, you will manage to identify the good-guy third parties and find win-win situations. So start by being nice, be forgiving of some lapses, and retaliate when necessary.

Footnotes

¹ Even school-going children can enjoy and appreciate the Evolution of Trust simulation, so let your children go through it too.